HUMAN SHIELD

My mouth creatures an Oreo. The struggle of crumbs totally

soaked, to tiptoe out along horned, Predator-style

mandibular cantilevers while meeting my girlfriend's parents

for the very first time. In hindsight, after getting to

know them, I wouldn't have as luckily escaped mummification

in our conga line mid-fisting had I not inherited my grandma's

hydroelectric genitalia. You can see why rain is actually a

waste of water.

I wouldn't want to ever meet my doppelganger: imagine you're

a midget, you've got green skin and pointy ears

and walk with a cane and wear some ratty burlap coat

thing and speak backwards and work at the

movie theaters; imagine yourself meeting motherfucking Yoda, and

imagine you both comparing assholes and being generally freaked out

at the difference.

From the mountain bike's G-forces a nameless, unspeakable

evil turns cartilage sullen, like the way it looks, on

its bike, racing down alleys and hiding amongst trashcans

and as we're shooting at it, me and a bunch of other cops,

it's grabbing for the nearest clump of shit to utilize

as a human shield, and its claws grapple with discarded

lettuce and pick out a little pupa which the clawed evil entity

steals from the pupa's mother's loving embrace, with its claw,

and which it puts on its own back (the evil entity does) to act

as a human shield. Any - rather ductile and destructible –

wad of rubbery biology that can serve as a human shield which

blasted down, and which the more we shoot at it, looks more and

more like a dude on a couch, watching TV, in fact glazed in such

blight from watching TV all day as to actually more resemble a

lost meteorological figure.

I wish the shanty convenience store hadn't been remodeled

into a big, vain robot staring the whole time at

its own reflection in a metal detector, he with the

heart of a hedonistic personal computer,

decoder of typo-strings and fan mail diagrams,

cruncher of things – lathered sometimes into a

numberless froth – but maker of exact folds and creases

in the more well-worded fan letters.