I am able to bludgeon a tetherball if I know exactly
where it's swinging or hanging. I am able to retrieve
peanut butter from a jar virtually without looking.
I have it good.
She doesn't have it good.
Her cactus houseplant is constantly putting out.
Its stalks are constantly dripping earwax, brooding.
In trying to get away from it, she has
already once hit her elbow on the ceiling fan.
Her apartment is really mean-looking.
Strange noises. A plumber visits her apartment
every day of the week. The water pipes in my apartment
are clement. My constantly pacing up and down
when I feel overjoyed and/or fortunate only pleases those
who live below me.
Her restless pacing shapes no other message
than 'Fuck you' to the people who live
below her and who understandably don't like
She's unlucky. Pervy house plant.
She should replace her cactus with a potato.
See, this is why we should meet – I could give her
some of my luck and lifeskillz.