Wednesday, May 11, 2011


his stoicism losing steam, the insurance clerk commences to babble at his dinner date through the cracks that have begun to form in his self-imposed vow of silence – the candle in the middle of the table sputtering after a time in his rigorous, epic word-stream
sporting an impassioned poop-face: for it would appear your cat is too large, after all, to fit into the blender
the visage of Elizabeth Taylor appearing in cinematic squid flashes beneath my skin when I'm nervous, dazzling my dermatologist, so that he needs to intermittently go outside and catch his breath – under which breath he would keep whispering incredulously, 'whew, wow, holyfuckbuiscuits, whoa'
Four Loko ossified finally into historical fact, in which state hopefully it would no longer fit down the gullets of our children and our children's children
the brake lights of the Id – blinking in Morse 'tail, I'm chasing tail, tail, tail, tail-tail-tail-tail, chasing chasing chasing chasing, tit, ass, tail, tail' before guttering out, leaving only a deathly silence, and a weird smell of dust and burnt hooves, in its wake
in the engagement of my favorite hobby, where sporting a visor hat instead of a bonnet modified with dangling corks and a brow-level propeller is considered a sartorial faux pas deserving of ostracism by my fellow hobbyists
life migrated from the outer rim to the epicenter – and then back to the outer rim, where it didn't smell quite as strongly of shit
your teeth undivided by scenic geological isthmuses
an elf gruntingly but successfully wielding a large ketchup bottle, overcompensating for something
after an out-of-body-experience, during which he must have looked down on his inanimate body and been somehow disgusted by it, the rapper pawned off all his bling
can't resist a good mounting – that bovine characteristic of standing perfectly still at these junctures, the theme of many a Country Western song that lauds this aspect in the behavior of cows
technically the salivary functionality of the undead should be deficient, thus not cause gum to lose its flavor
the professional organ donor's love for canaries remained intact throughout his long, prolific career
the fishing pond the depressed person likes to retreat to and sit down beside and let his finger rove in the sand, drawing a UFO with a nude figure emerging from it when he's sure no one is looking
although me too, standing beside and via the mere act of breathing feasting on and thus steadily depleting our proud historical marshes – thanks to a malignant respiratory condition I seemed to have picked up after years of going to bed with and clutching an aerosol can to my chest like a teddy bear, resulting in the can's intergrowth with my chest and possibly my lungs themselves
oh do adopt the aesthetic of a wafer, asshole mountain range – C3PO, lost in said mountain range, and wishing for a flatter perspective of the land, pleads, in vain
the nude figure emerging from the UFO drawn by the depressed person in the sand beside the fish pond has amazing lilac udders


  1. note: i changed 'blue boobs' to 'lilac teeth,' figuring it more subtle
    Alexander Velky was unintentionally instrumental in the color change, though he insisted I keep the boobs
    however, i do not what my meager powers of description to constrict the reader's imagination when it comes to boobs

  2. update: i changed 'lilac teeth' to 'blue udders' - this time at the explicit insistence of Alexander Velky.

    to hell with subtlety, and with the reader's precious imagination

  3. I especially love this line "technically the salivary functionality of the undead should be deficient, thus not cause gum to lose its flavor"

    where do you get lilac sand?

  4. that's a good question
    i don't think the character drew in lilac sand
    he only drew a lilac alien in normal sand
    with his finger

    oh wait i see what the problem is


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