Thursday, December 30, 2010


in some countries, cage matches are adorned with streamers
in the smoky head of vice, thoughts are riveted to origami propellers 
the vapors of sweat alone can turn industry
slow and sticky and dripping with honey is the voice of Romania’s queen of late-night infomercials
Boney M sang of the ridiculous tin
in the Tao of Nixon, you will see more engineering tips than in the handbook under a Boeing 747’s pillow
impossible to understand, but I bet the rumbling still got your attention?
for it may one day yield the secret of what the hawk sits delaminating on

the fight taking place in this cage is a neuron out of this world
it is a bucket full of Kodachrome rolls
once they had captured vulture foreplay
a Pez dispenser of dirty sound
she will be missed with a squeaky hysteria, i.e.
with the sound of a whole world twisting its collective sneaker ninety degrees
her reusable personality will finally beautifully atrophy 
the crimped muzzle of a mosquito savors its drink
like China’s esophageal missiles
the mouth of my country is shamelessly derivative of mole art

no longer do citizens have such fluid, impromptu, trigger-friendly confidence in their leaders
a moving picture museum responding only to one ratchet
learn from factories
they run on love

Wednesday, December 29, 2010


The president’s SUV looks angrier passing under the low light of the HP printer, but still verisimilar. We have only recently fully acquired a taste for pepper spray, and our washing machines finally got good at balancing mittens. Polarized shirtless, fretting, our president late for his very important annoying return, engaging his porridge in some kind of body-morphing performance art, his new advisor a bird with incredibly sharp avian wisdom teeth, a cry in the wilderness he for some reason deems witty. My howl, for its part, has been forged in a few days in a wheelbarrow.

I believe now is the time for cryptozoooids to transcend their differences, to come together and unite in a puddle-perfect phantasmagoria, murders being a thing of the past and forensic science honing itself on sand sculptures. Mark my words, brothers: a very big impact is going to be made by a 2 dollar sparkling gem. On other planets riots are caused in knish uniforms, and open casket burials prevent colds. Why are we so behind the times? Seems the death ray is bad at its job. Hey, your backpack straps are on fire! Belong to a club. Find a purpose. I am one of over a thousand insurance salesmen. By the way, my club foot says hello.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010


navigated the interstices of optimism
found the fully-functional elephant
playing a flute, meaning you’re special
even though you read and got infected
by the bubonic email, and you thought
it best to boycott the wizard newspaper
when really –

this totally smashes everything with nothing
but glass may get healthier
shatters near the beginning
but on the other side, crystal
clear: the diorama of hanged toy
soldiers, vintage corn flakes
terminator plastercast
ceremonious adoption of remote lost crystals

propaganda dust devil worried by boots in
the warehouse where once was parked
a logic never before used by humanity
except in a japanese remake famous for
delaying the craziest but ultimately
most profound halftime show in existence,
with slippers that immobilized
the brawniest gait, with tusk glue
that doomed the elephant’s wrinkly grin

oh the intolerable austerity of the high definition
ice rink, the cold sense of the dough sniffing white
nose of the oven, the average cheerleader outfit 
cast in the form of a nesting doll, the lifespan of
boredom on 4chan augmented virtually the same way,
how to challenge the motivation for that ultimately
important connection, landings between floors,
concussions between minds

Monday, December 27, 2010


On my arms, on paper, on the previous night’s math, on a prim heap of God filings. I’d been trying to calculate the curious sudden slump in the number of Korean boy bands. Coffee at 2a.m. Uttered the Dinosaur Slur, a slur against dinosaurs spoken, ironically, with a dinosaur’s slur, and meant to denote grave unhappiness. I hoard bright sharp metal shavings I use math to meticulously chip off of God’s body. I suspect I’m being tested, as any such mathematician would be. By some TV crew. I’m on ‘Hoarders.’ But also not. The challenge is to continue hoarding without knowing if I’m doing it for the sake of a few million bloated, bored viewers. I’d be devastated if I did. So this afternoon I was out in the garden applying a wet-dry Vortex shaver to the tree stumps. How I love the feeling of a smooth, pulpy shave. The sound. The rich wetness. Like damp feet walking across a new carpet. All the time I felt observed. But it wasn’t the usual TV crews watching me, it was a fairy.

I’m in love again. It’s that familiar tough time of the year again. This morning, I took that incendiary Julia Child morning bark so very personally, as I do every morning. The pigeon shit Kool-Aid look-alike on the bedside table swilled with a drunken flavor. I tried following the whispering communications between different oatmeal algorithms. I was vaguely aware of surfaces rumbling with unplowed acne. The world is fertile and rich with possibilities, but where to begin? The suicidal man asleep on such a night travels in a pro-life airplane. Morning is the resentful meatloaf. I’m usually unaware I’ve been catcalling some time during the night at the model army tanks and surfboards on my ceiling, or grinding new shoes in the area between sleep and waking. I have to go to work soon and won’t have access to my garage. There’s no cohesion, only possibility. Also, the machines in the laundromat I’ll later be visiting respond only to bagpipes. I don’t know who it is I’m in love with. Nor who the fairy I met in the garden was.


These days, we drive jokes too far in therapy.
Just a few minutes ago, I was laughing at the sick mind.
We’re pushing construction of the labyrinth into
another parking lot, handicap parking has a special
venn dimension, like wheelchair donuts, only two
clicks removed from deep spirituality. 
I quickly saw that this blizzard forming
was a serotonin aberration, handcuffs between patient
and therapist now forming a matter of intense
debate. A thrashing screech and a yawp.
‘Arrestation with the jelly tot on the table, hmm,’ I write
on my knee. Again forgot my notebook in the car.
Like customer service failing at return of gift horse’s
teeth. Rearing back at horsedrool dribbling
from countertop. ‘Do you enjoy watching your addiction
from over there on the comforter?’ Classic chin scratch
with upward movement of fingers.
‘Never been prouder.’ 
He said some time ago that the Bat Sign is here to stay.
‘At the end of the sky’s baseball bat.’ Did I detect
violent inclinations?
Pointing at the window yelling: ‘Are you telling me I’m
the only one seeing it?’
OK let’s rule out violent inclinations. I think there’s something
deeply moving in the delusion. It might be a striped,
humpback worm. Too many people in this town seem
to think the fire department’s impromptu Christmas eve
vaudeville was as unsettlingly sad as the rest of the world’s
nose-evacuation rituals combined.
Tearduct ignition: gonna make me cry.
Pinecone-obliterating: gluey sterile tears.
The loveliest of dismembering, though... 
Berlin hoping this will all blow away by bowel movement’s end.
Clean restroom an obstruction of world peace.
The Scotch Tape maestro just dropped by to trumpet hello
through his nostrils. SAD.
Blockbuster video: STILL an exotic hit.
Thought we’d celebrate a little tonight.

Sunday, December 26, 2010


Why doesn’t the pilgrim have anything to talk about,
especially after taking Victorian heroin,
when he can’t even imagine the point of a
handbrake on a broom? Technology is still
in its infancy and we’d like to be easy on the
brute – we can’t keep faulting him for his ignorance –
but after a while it gets a bit tricky.

So many opinions flash through his mind
when he sees Charlie Brown, hooked to hairclips
hanging under the fat of the land, or hiding in a bin
and fermenting nicely during an apartment
heist commissioned by the pilgrim himself,
but honestly – how to formulate
these opinions? How to start pinning down
the mass of thriving, heaving gristle
in a suitable corner of the mind’s

Flush, then shoot an eye out with the
most inept handling of this futuristic technology –
opening a jar with toothpicks, adding bugs to
the fig in a glorious tribute to
the sweetness of the new land.
Toupees struck a cord with
all the wives’ pugs, while the honorary members
of the as-yet-embryonic TSA put a
rusty wire up the piano’s butthole.

Saturday, December 25, 2010


You’re in a crawlspace, not moving, not really living, bench-pressing claustrophobia, doing squats with gloomy impatience in your trousers. You’re training for the 2089 Olympics. We’re part of a groovy little band of sex stereotypes. We’re trying to prevail against an army of permanent markers. Society no longer considers it polite to pigeonhole us with sharp, glowing instruments. I used to like drawing peanuts. I used an average brand of steak knife to tattoo them on my food. Truffle infusion stabbing. That fast, yellow, rising mist. My favorite drink? Finger bone.

These winter warmers have been made in China. Should’ve worn my meditation swag, to prevent getting worked up over the inferior wiper fluid I’d been sold to clean and reuse pizza boxes. The famous Malva pudding tracker is speaking slowly, his voice thick and slimy with satisfaction. He is perversely successful and talented, half bushman, a quarter dog, a quarter metal detector. Shakespeare promotes porn and video games with the allegorical language he’d picked up from the latrine. Allergies are a sensible precaution against altruism. It turns out masochism is actually illegal. No one had known that.

It’s sad being stuck here. We all basically got what we came for. One guy’s searches rewarded him with the ghost of petroleum. It is beautiful and seems to have a fondness for human hands. A woman is playing the weightless clavier. Certain supernatural musical organs work a lot like the lids of stainless steel pots. They feed off gravity if the correct buttons are pressed. The notes they belch out are in themselves not weightless (for that is a logical impossibility), but CONSIST of weightlessness. A fog machine would now be great for boosting the morale, if not simply for that epic effect. It might also usefully blur the vile glint in the eye of what’s indisputably a French maid ogling the horizon of the countertop growing larger. But we haven’t moved an inch yet.

It seems the very molecules that make up this line are on their way to becoming quite turbid. I’d love for us to run on air, would’ve wanted to see us as a bunch of angry shopping bags curiously holding ourselves back. Out of decency. Jamie Oliver says he likes rubbing nutmeg into his G-spot. We will have to listen for the next twelve hours how the policies of its dominion over the rest of his nervous system, and even speech processors, have been grafted over the years. In double queues, the other line always moves faster.

Thursday, December 23, 2010


The NSA is dropping sensors into her
blood sugar and into the slimy puddle in
the pit of Max’s throat, while backstage he’s fretting
and she’s announcing plans for her retirement.
‘Hey listen, Max. I don’t think I want to be
the stinker anymore – no longer do I wish
to be soluble with the organs of your talents
and labors. The ways and means by which you’ve
been able to bear me through show business. You’re
a genius, cuz. Don’t for a minute think me ungrateful.’

‘Well consider yourself lucky, Sheryl! Fucking fuck:
the people still love you! It could’ve gone either way:
I could’ve told you that maybe you should just granulate
your waxy lips with coffee’s coziness and retire to
a granny’s chair.’ [Savage, dripping leer.] ‘I, you see – I
used to belong to the Skype choir of roaches.’
[Spoken pompously.] ‘There are choirs, professional,
religious, and even of small-community varieties,
but also of the animal kingdom like roaches – well, they
only perform on Skype. I was part of the latter.
Proud? No. But cockroaches are the only animals
that relish near death experiences. Basically the state
you’re in now. Love ’em. [Scratches throat with
nicotine-stained fingers, wobbly chin thrust toward
the ceiling.]

‘Yeah, and who clean up before them. But not – ’
the two cousins, manager and stage performer, and
NSA snoops chant in chorus – ‘after them. That’s right.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010


in the woods sobbing
the woods’ sobbing
tron posing on a lawn tractor:
it being revealed to him
how it wasn’t very funny:

he’d wanted to catapult his whole body over
the counter at the tailor’s
his identity had felt a lifetime away:
mingling with deep-space odors
like coming back from the PC shop
and bearing that suspicious sour

rural areas
rural areas’ modern parts
‘i’ve read about this:
a miracle gift less expensive
than the box
a chupacabra stocking-stuffer:
i have good reason to be despondent
it’s not for sale –

when you start thinking
along these lines the
funny thing that happens to your reality’s
sphere of influence:
you can see why santa’s introspection
consists of very fine espresso circuits
the jedi poke’s symptom of chronic fatigue syndrome’

toddling on a lightcycle
i’m going to wreck your lightcycle:
with this news it’s hard to keep the vertigo out
the tsunami doesn’t care about the hotdog stand:
‘i picture my lightcycle’s modern parts’ sugary flagellations –
the destruction of my world
is the afterimage of a winter ulcer
burnt into the mind
my mind which is coal ash peed on’ 

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


on paper lay a repressed memory
a Mexican UFO that looked
like a spotted oyster

acidification of memory’s gel –
survival’s leaking ceiling –
self-medicating on voicemails

jumped to her death
the free action poster
I obtained from the event

briefly hanging from a silly
coronary branch
pathologically incapable
of canoodling

I get things hilariously wrong
scouting penumbral routes –
a car filled with wizards

the murder solstice is the
hunger producer, the moon a
lip-synching baby, the moon’s
kill switch frozen

a pearl’s captivity in cystic fibrosis
a payphone caught in a windpipe

Monday, December 20, 2010


Discovered chugging the contents of a Nazi’s disposable diaper. Sucking with toilet plunger for a mouth to the great egg white blockage. Feeling like John Wayne crying on a mailbox. Had a whole stack of crib notes when taking the litmus test, but “I don’t want to talk to you, fuck off!” was the thankless response. A club foot planted on a slope, costing the town the groovy spectacle of a landslide. Captain Future straddling a rail gun doesn’t make for easy listening. Daft Punk should’ve written the score. A bear in a fountain bar realizes with a heartstopping start, with a hand lifted dramatically to an oval mouth, how he sucks at multitasking. The only modern social device the bear uses skillfully is a new flashy tool for interactive games called Snuggles™. Everything can’t be fulfilling but everything can be filling.  

Sunday, December 19, 2010


He is so enamored with radiation maps, but don’t let a Mormon hear you call them that – they’re really christmas cards, and who wouldn’t be enamored with Day-Glo cancer cells wearing little coats of glitter and malignant conical tie-dyed moles for hats? They open like normal christmas cards and contain the same vapidities and catchwords.

But this one is especially useful because it shows the skeletal structures of things wonderful without necessarily debunking them – Miramax, for example, is one of those companies that has an exoskeleton, which is radioactive, so it shows on his clever trusty map less as a five-star restaurant menu than a map of its underground tunnels. Where he plans to hide and bide his time until most of the heat has passed over, or until the company shuts down. 

Above all he many times risked getting cockblocked by a Mormon christmas card (it was the one he always wanted, fancy that – the meanest impulse would stop dead in its tracks if the card were thrust into its flight path – the risk is always there so he should drop all unnecessary burdens, whatever might hold him back. He is a beast of burden with poor dress sense). He definitely won’t wear a girdle this time to the beach, where he expects her naked body to wash up.  


The world’s first and only overrated maverick. There are many mavericks but they all live up to their reputations. All of them are rated exactly right. Not this one. Nor does the prison he’s housed in live up to its reputation as a badass dungeon-esque hellhole with merciless blue and black concrete walls glazed in strains of ridiculous fungi: his new lodgings is an 8-bit jail. And he quite likes these lodgings. The only thing he hates and finds himself infuriated by is the TV, which also shows everything in 8-bit. All it features is Chicago’s famous parrot folklorist, again and again – that’s right, cheap Chicago’s bankruptcy will be ignited by the cheep and squawk of this arrogant bird making up Grimm tales as it sits loftily and tauntingly on its perch, setting bookmarks on fire on each page of our lexicon and completely rewriting the way we tell campfire stories. ‘I will kill you, you stupid bird.’ Then the maverick lapses into horrible spells of crying, again and again. Proving him – once and for all – overrated.


‘The marching band was too tame. The Drive-Thru represented a form of punishment. Seriously, this is scientific evidence for the fact that there is no more pleasure to be had. The pleasure and value deficit: it has to be seen to be believed.

‘I’m glad to be going home to my wife and kids.’

Saturday, December 18, 2010


A famous loincloth-wearing primitive guy wrote some things in the diary of Levi-Strauss, the even more famous anthropologist (not the, even more famous, jeans manufacturer).

‘Very confused, then suddenly very friendly, then quiet for long stretches – this is how our native colorblindness works, tracking popcorn behavior, the decadent silhouettes in particular.’

Popular culture – as introduced by Levi Strauss – was having certain nefarious outworkings on this native Nambikwaran’s mind. He had taken to waking Strauss in the middle of the night in his tent, making dumb grunting noises and obnoxious hand motions indicating the notebook wedged beneath Strauss’s pillow. Wearily, the anthropologist humored him, sitting upright and rubbing his eye with a knuckle while with the other eye observing the brown, muddy, loinclothed dude scribbling with out-thrust tongue and hunched shoulders and crossed legs in his notebook. He had a weird way of holding the pen, Strauss noticed.

‘Piano keys in particular make me cringe! They are teeth-killing! They look like teeth! They look like PVC teeth! They LOOK LIKE PVC VELOCIRAPTOR teeth!’ In a very tiny hand, the following night, the native man wrote, in ominous red ink, Strauss’s favorite color especially when it came to describing (perhaps dangerous?) idiosyncrasies of the native Amazonian tribes: ‘Pardon me for asking, but are you by any chance Bob?’

Friday, December 17, 2010


Most of Francis Bacon’s animated shorts
don’t run anymore. I liked very much how he
crafted a pained, depreciatory squint into
herpes. It was a bit gross, but it showed what
a pity it was when our mouths didn’t pinch
around new concepts anymore. It was as if
we were staring after a while into a white
miasma. He was a maker of the albino occult.

His treatment of the mummified sloth sitting
down for breakfast was excellent. Any lunch
break exemplified appetite’s cliché. Around
the sloth neighborly ferns were waving to
the half-assed rain, the subtext: “Kansas apocalyptic
bed wets.” Pizzas freeze over, metastasizing into
a soft wooly cover into which a flea jumps without
fear – with a Leonard Cohen leap of faith.

Any blown mind is ultimately a structural spin-off
of a barnacle. I think it was him who documented
the AK-47’s golden years, old fogies dodging bullets
blithely. Overkill on the mark. His film could delay
shuttles. NASA cockroaches and their subsequent

Thursday, December 16, 2010


A sort of bad day at the office. Diseases show their real feathers in meetings when the board members all have zombie immune systems. The venality that shoots up like a Zippo’s flame: I’ve been in a Zippo-induced trance before, it’s quite a treat – but this was nothing like that. There is nothing uglier and more revealing than a Malaria parasite trying to put its best foot forward. You want to fucking kill it, I swear. I was in the broom closet with an attractive woman and told her in a warm, smelly voice: ‘Let’s take our time with this quickie. Let’s do the quickie very long.’ Our energies should be guided towards that idyllic clusterdrain of the company’s collective crotch, to form a magnificent and artistic starfish squirt. I once tried to describe to a colleague the beauty when the peyote rug in the boardroom ties up the waving filaments of its monopoly on our minds. I had failed to include even the most basic details in my description. 

A good day at the little fish pond in front of the porch of my lovely Gregorian home. ‘The world is too obsessed with struggling,’ I murmured to myself, taking aim with my rifle. I have applied for and have non-surprisingly been granted a license to shoot the shit out of Koi. Just apply for a government license to massacre cucumbers if greenhouse electro music so bothers you. Tomorrow we’ll all wake in our beds to the sounds of different alarms. Everybody goes to sleep – and in a sense awakes – alone. A Swiss Made biological clock is less likely to be misleading and to yank you out of sleep at three in the morning for no good reason other than that it thinks you should get up. The breathtaking pranks time plays on our glands and nodes. A million babies is killed in Denmark on any given morning at exactly 5a.m.; and yet the abortion forecaster on television gets it wrong every time. I hate his smug look and his tailored suit. I hate his little fu manchu mustache.

A large mysterious parcel arrived at my office today. ‘Opening this thing without the help of Molly would be devastating,’ I sighed tragically. I know this stripper who also doubles as a package opener. She has somehow segued her art with the far more practical utility of opening parcels. Each item of clothing she removes corresponds with a piece of the package being stripped off. It requires immense focus. Her business card reads: ‘Molly, professional strip art package opener. I can be yours for only $5 an hour.’ Due to pathetic and keening dependence on her services there is not a single letter opener at the company. Our hands have gotten soft and pale and sickly. We squeak at the merest paper cut. ‘I can also remove boils and cysts and stubborn obnoxious pimples. My grandmother had once been impacted in my grandfather’s armpit so deeply, only magnetic resonance imaging could espy her. I removed her no sweat.’ She’s a sweet girl.

The box contained rolls of densely packed karate headbands. 

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


The prophet’s new automotive coffin
is leaving Springfield. Its own radio is
airing its dwindling boom from within. He’d
left his soft, bouncy tree house, although many
guess it’s because the pneumatic actuators of
the tree house have sprung a leak, with a
suspicious-sounding crack of stepped-on
fire kindle beneath his ass. 
What are you expecting from a prophet
holding his breath under the heaving
humble windmill of Springfield? Wellingtons
forcefully uprooted? Or ones – to the relief of
the Constipation Czar himself – rebounding 
on, and finally kicking apart, the asylum’s
fudge shrine?

‘No way he’ll opt for the position of Cowshed
Patron Saint this time. He’s out of here.
This time maybe for good.’ He could always be
counted on to fight the farm’s impulses;
but this morning he awoke overwhelmed.
‘Fear of loss of his sweater, Frank. It was
intense. The mist on the poor old chest.
He wrote a poem about the peculiar icy
dent developing in his chest:

“Below-zero cremation is what has produced
each of my breaths this morning. Alda.
Where is my precious Alda? Whoot!”
Ranting about this “Alda” bird all the time...
Safe to say the man is clearly no longer fit
for farm duties.’

‘He was also developing pink bulging eyes. Curly
horns on his head. The last account depicted
what to all intents and purposes represented
the Abominable Snowman ensconced in
sofa porn.’

Tuesday, December 14, 2010


It’s a pilgrimage intended to make HIV exciting, but bring a refined gavel (engraved foliage is recommended), because the orgy won’t take place in a gift shop like last time – we’ll be making many stopovers at porcelain shops instead, where things simply break differently. A retro clock with a Marmite face dents like tin, and there’s nothing funny about that – it’s just not appropriate for our purposes.

Well, the lice-ridden couch surfer was gratuitously hostile. He was out of his element on the shuttle carrier because there weren’t any couches, and once he saw Harriet’s toy smurf he developed an obsession and went smurf scouting in each and every compartment of the shuttle sporting a red, desperate face and grated, eczematic knees, driving people from their sleep.

Perhaps this time I won’t be talking never-ending about getting outsmarted by the senile vacationer. I won’t be making bold claims about how drunkenness empowers jelly (and/or swimming vision, vision swimming drunk at dusk, or under an infrared light in brain warmth) – how avoiding the eye in the castle of jelly on the tray is key to outsmarting hangover shits and headaches. These are lame distractions from the fact that I had failed in the battle of wits with that crazy old man.

‘If you love stem cells,’ the couch surfer cried out with a genuine cry in his voice, ‘you will all chip in and convert this vulgar blob that used to be Martin into a smurf!’ He was just being greedy; we all knew he was at his rope’s end. He hadn’t found a single smurf in the shuttle, and now he wanted us to yield what stems cells we could pick out of our hair and convert someone’s friend (‘Martin’ - who’d deliquesced at the sight of a naked Avatar who’d swung by on a rope) into a smurf! He made it very plain – as only desperate people could – that he had no interest in reanimating the original person. ‘Martin,’ whoever the fuck that was.

Lust as much inhabited (and destroyed) the scaffolds of run-of-the-mill cells as heat inhabited the tabloid tiger: rolling over in the middle of the night, with a groan, we’d very intricately break. Like the box of fleeting sensations none of us traveled without. Not even the loathsome couch surfer. We wore grimy contact lenses. Everything in the pictures we took ended up looking like secondhand water features. Watery, but with a vague semblance of structure. Including the tiger: its heat looked like a series of overused icicles. Just like in the tabloids.


Are you glad there is a thing like strawberry chemistry?
Then it would be polite to share your ulcers.
They are strawberries in end-state chemistry.
Hell-development is going down – 
a portion of the air guitar is still slightly grainy, however.

As the eBay description says: ‘Doesn’t grate
knuckles all the way.’ The less Hell, the more
gap mouth the guitar.
If you weren’t so into water aerobics,
it would have been the magnified cloud – floating
around in it and with an inexplicably lazy tongue
saying ‘Soup.’ All the time. For no reason.

‘“Soup,” I say this a lot,’ you would’ve said a lot.
‘“Soup,” “Cloud,” “Float,” “Fart,”’ I say all
the time,’ you would’ve said all the time.
In the left hemisphere of my brain, the
maid had left the pop-up timer, and so

I’m going to have to kill her – or phone iMaid
and demand they stop processing
the 3LG 90000 model, because this (I will explain)
‘[feels] like a deer root canal;
extending to the horn, where a soda can
explodes, and despair’s foam is curbed 

by an ineffectual busted sneaker, placed
before a storm drain.’ Mona Lisa
home-made in Hell, fallen into despair,
with tusks (rapidly expanding soda pressure – see
what I did there?), trying out, very tentatively, her
own personal failings; on a Kawasaki 50cc; watching them go.

But in Hell personal failings are everywhere. And so
are Kawasakis.

As are Mona Lisas.   

Monday, December 13, 2010


drunken manipulation by carnie of plush toy grapnel
high up twiddling legs like palsied squid
acrobat suddenly develops huge hungry eye
hard not to lose balance drooling over
safety net dragged in from carnival:

carrion harvest

‘come in and explore my tent –
i shall please you with neon lunch’
a spookiness to murder-leftover formation, something
even more off-putting in mcnugget hemorrhage

quick panicked breaths hinging on central
empty lung of firmly gripped


anybody hear the horrible squelch yet?
no, the mime has not yet absorbed his mask

princess leia’s first day as daycare nurse represents
biggest failure in popular culture since my best
friend’s latest miserable defeat as proxy groom
‘you are the worst proxy groom in the history of
proxy grooms, Harry,’ pointing at him

a cuticle-mad

finger ‘ghetto extraordinaire though you may be, no
groom which unfortunately won’t be able make it
to his wedding on account of business or untimely
disease or whatever will ever hire a

clown like you

again’ dweller of the lost, door-less room – foot-deep
in a cathartic daze, alone with dvd box set unveiled
by darkness the instant whom we shall know
merely as ‘older cousin freddy’ abandoned

it ‘down your chernobyl gullet,’ three-eyed tailless
mermaid says to chorus of filthy gawkers, pouring
green gummy liquid

down throat

everyman batteries run low faster than clone
batteries all clones therefore beginning to look
quite ordinary ‘ultra fast and ultra flappy – not
to mention comfortably

padded and reinforced,’ 

market crier described through bullhorn fishtail
prosthesis twitching in cage

Sunday, December 12, 2010


These buttons are great for yoga.
Yoga is great for bad hair days.

Paranoia: put out your wig!
It is on fire!
Come join us!

The master is not busy leveraging the cliché.
He is saying:
‘Come, fear not!’

‘Scared of the hyperactive bathroom?
Bad vibes good for bowels!’  
Fear is paisley cheeks. 

(My wish list is finally getting the idea.)
Singapore blight.
Lights sitting on eyelids.

Cool: I do love Alzheimer’s gimmicks. 
This button, if I press it.
Ngh ... whazzackly would it do??

Viking walk-in closets clang
on the shoulders and hips
of the embonpoint.

Like the man whose psyche
grips him tight with hard clumsy
blunt paws lest he runs away naked
yodeling free. 

‘Fear is itself not a fearful entity.
‘Fear if taken out of context, I mean.’
[Master clears throat politely, embarrassedly.]
‘It likes cereal.
‘It was born in a canoe.’

Is there any truth to the rumor
cities will go faster if I let go?
Why so many commercials about
decomposing and about decomposition?

Wielding my outsize Victorian hat under the bus sign.
Hair lice helpfully weigh in on my companion’s
braiding problems in the morning.

I feel so useless.


My ticket stub is lying in the mess of receipts on the passenger floorboard. Cops at roadblocks don’t look forgivingly upon chaotic floorboards, and the skillet lost in its chaos might prove dangerous to them. A lenient God would hope I will survive what’s coming, because I’m kinda crappy and He knows it. I’ll try harder next time. 

A mattress of ticket stubs and receipts and bills is an oasis, and honesty about the lost ticket stub is a contagion. Nobody outside the criminal world, I’m sure, thinks of things this sweetly. There simply doesn’t exist a dispensary for self-assembling grocery bags. I will have to invent one. I bet the instant the world straddles this runaway gallbladder aesthetic, soap opera smiles would be beamed down by satellites; knives in crime dramas would expertly and jovially slice through the degenerate strands of drool hanging from them.

‘I’m the one everyone came to see, officer. I’m a professional dancer.’ His smug grin shatters.

‘You mean to say you’re – ’


A flicker of doubt. Cops are so easily taken in.

‘M-move along.’


Ever wonder at which premier spot exactly the sandwich was dropped from a flying saucer? I will tell you. It was dropped at a premier surfing destination.

No kidding. 

Ever wonder how a dirty menu can be utilized as a costume? I don’t know either, but I do know a skunk in my garage which dons a ski mask at full moon, then looks like a slanted-eyed puppethead; it thinks it is safe as long as you tell it what to say. Menus do that. Even the dirty ones – the ugliest menu can feel bloated on self-confidence as long as it believes the items you read off it are words you put in its ‘mouth.’

I feel bad about the sandwich. It was I who dropped it from the UFO. And I feel bad about the skunk – to make up for it I gave it that Stockholm Syndrome training device which it dutifully straddles when the moon isn’t full and really grinds those tiny tendons in its front and hind legs, its little claws scrabbling on the treadmill and causing the hairs on everybody in the vicinity’s neck to stand on end. Before long, I don’t think it would have any difficulty saying, ‘YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING.’

Saturday, December 11, 2010


The prince was found dead surrounded by a fascinating but frightening assembly of petshop merch, seeds mostly but here and there a snake hook and a gigantic fish net lay crammed violently in the mud. Instruments of the paranoid and obsessive pet owner. Life at the palace had become unendurable – the complete alienation of the palace ducks was incredibly hard to take. He realized that the ducks weren’t seeing him with loving fondness or even understanding anymore and the way he came to realize this was both tragic and entertaining: on Broadway, a Klingon ship was revealed to the audience, of which the prince was a part, to be a green scrawny chest floating in space. This was what you got when you did a nubbin by nubbin breakdown of the chest cloaking your pet’s appreciation of your love. You came up empty-handed and aghast. Artificial thunder struck a mirror lying flat on the stage – an impressive display of trapped energy roiling submissively in a reflective surface on behalf of Klingon vanity, but it brought all eyes on the prince, who wished only to be seen by his ducks.


In the beginning it felt like alligator cancer. What kind of escape is shooting a grappling hook into Urban Outfitter’s ceiling? The sanctuary turns out to be an average peepshow. I accepted the delirium at the end of this tooth. A penguin lassoed is a Jungian archetype speaking snuffbox: ‘Help me, brown spores – you’re my only hope.’ Burn down power with waste. John Travolta’s scoliosis debilitates his brutality so that he’s twice as likely to utter platitudes to his hostages. 

Friday, December 10, 2010


cloudy with a chance of seat belts
a necessary evil since the weatherman did more than just eclipse the bubble of my dangerous, accelerating engrossment with him – he in fact totally exceeded my interest, like an exploding athlete 
he wouldn’t move initially, then it looked as though he was going to turn around and run full-speed into the screen, sputtering darker and darker pixels all the time
but at other times he grew so large and interesting, that – like a fascinating pop-up store on a rescue float chasing pirates instead of landlords who swap clemency for blowjobs – the clouds on the screen would respond like wet feathers to his proximity
‘putting my hand here on this glacier,’ he said running his hand along a blue line with pointed teeth, ‘would be like touching SOMEBODY ELSE’S glacier’
he was a creepy haze in an envelope – misty fingers curled around the edges, and he was so flat and no longer quite as interesting
i lowered my dress before somebody had a chance to walk in


My home collection is a veritable monument to the subversion of the Neo-Bong, a breed of new dope smokers who smoke with government permission and have a choice between fashionable designer bongs from Omega to Louis Vitton to Diesel to Esprit to Ed motherfucking Hardy. Nothing is placed here without permission from the thoughts happening between my Mars Muffs – simple ear muffins I bought and suped up to resemble high-tech bathplugs. I never smoke without them because they look cool and keep my thoughts from escaping and contaminating the street decor outside. While I may wear Martian earplugs, I no longer sell Martian bongs, nor for reactionary reasons display them on the pavement on a rickety fold-up table. But in my Martian Attack Car – it was bought on; oh, and it also attacks anything in sight – I traveled to the Yup! Groceries rendezvous, located in the nastiest public swamp, which the public consciousness sinks into on a continual basis but smartly pokes its head out again in anticipation of waking up next to you. 

Thursday, December 9, 2010


Swan sulfur, kicked up by the lake after the meteor’s pounce.
We won’t be having a good holiday on the lethal perimeter.
There are too many coffins beaching themselves and our little
schnauzer will be disturbed. Send us a Confucian holiday card –
our memories won’t auto-erase when his sculptural finger
has strolled over to add another hit number to ‘The
Greatest Moments in Frisking.’

It won’t happen.

I might with all this confusion going on rebrand myself as
The Army of the Willow Tree – alien dishonor is overdue, I’ve
got several dozen fridge dial interpretations right here, so my
shit’s backed up. We’re coming with the Moscow Monobrow
to trap a warrior in a barbershop.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010


It dawned on the Eggnog that it missed its home planet. It got that HIV-positive shine – it was sick but radiant, was collapsing like a chin in glitter. On the other hand it could always dance. Sort of. Well, with a fast finger you could easily buy a few Salsa Rarities on Monster’s toast. 

In the garage, the coolant sat still with its venereal warts. Every day so far this has been its petty thrill – its Junk In Catholic Trinket. The Boink’s Carbolic Shrink-It. As seen on cleaning products: that very specific gleam on its Chain link. 

Played chicken with Borg Mobile™ home. Demand froze for banana fiber’s ‘Candle In The Wind.’ As sung by Steppenwolf, who chanted ‘I never asked for a Japanese divorce under Brash stars’ Milky Cow.’ Written by Wasp Clash Tennis racquet. The D-minor soul-cry of very on-grid toilet paper.


I remember being shocked that first time learning about transistors. Monolithic bees hectored each other for the quickest effective switch. ‘Electrocution glands’ – these things were key, and they beautifully made way for small, up and coming ones like rampant nipples. It was like walking through a microscopic room; but you were a beekeeper mutilating triangular switches into yourself to avoid similar-shaped stabs. I remember I had no scruples, in my shock, calling bees ‘bugs.’

But once in a nightmare I was a sniffer dog that had a thing for licking xylophones and biting off curtains. Transistors have gates and this was how I navigated my way through them. It was all fake, the xylophones too, which was why my barks pumped off Tyra Banks quotes from that show on which she fell and, getting up and rubbing her head, said her ‘concussion’s defect was a merry kiosk on a psych ward’ – a cold spot on the sun, the unintended friendly utterance to an enemy. Toxic therapy could be transported on the backs of toy trucks driven by Gadaffi in a movie she called – I swear to God she called it this – A BLONDE SCI-FI MOVIE. Only because apparently Gadaffi himself was blonde in it? Therefore not a … rogue?

I woke up so rattled. I was late for my flight and had to run all the way across the runway and got licked up by the airplane’s tongue – a great wet happy slobbering tongue emitted from the gaping ‘mouth’ below the cockpit. It was warm and cozy and slimy whereas the rest of the plane was icy cold and metallic and gray, which was why everybody inside was wearing sweaters but a few were gashed through with epic cleavages. An android’s bristly iron shavings were trying to pass themselves off as authentic chest hairs through the split in one of the sweaters in the rows of seats I espied after flopping via the happy tongue into the plane. Smoke disquiet, android. With your electric cigarette or whatever. They’re allowed on planes. But feeling-powered amoebae aren’t directing your evolution like they’re doing our movies, fucker.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010


‘Thank you, stage magician.’ ‘You’re welcome, airborne gift in sputnik wrapping paper.’ Kill me now Plutooooooo! Ooh my feet are cold, and my toes multiply, in your epidemic atelier! I cannot work in this place! Jail Declares Loss even though I’m merely hanging here – from your ceiling, waving – not small, not a rock, not sick. How else did I survive while everyone else was massaging their scalps with typhoid hair gel? Abstinence. Infamously known as the hypnotic condom. How come I’m such a good actor? Wiccan cat puke – that unearthly extension of Old Tricks. Bambi written in very depressing code. With in-depth knowledge of deer, bafflement came to us. Here’s my advice to the PR team of anyone caught fighting an Oscar trophy – don’t drown yourself in a punch bowl. It’s embarrassing, and such antics on the office carpet can ruin your career, but be more afraid of the bowl’s candid deep zoom. ‘I tried to save them,’ were his last words. Words better protected than embarrassment. Memorable events of the pallbearers preserved on YouTube; depraved CEOs use these clips as lessons in elitism. ‘Where have you been my whole life?’ ‘Excited by Pol Pot.’ ‘That far?’ Of illusion counterclockwise on my coffee.

Monday, December 6, 2010


Anatomical wind chimes is what male thought
made of her by entering at just the right speed. 
A marionette with a degree in knots, her PTSD
gestures constituted the money shot. Check out
these shameful reunifications: anti-gravity syndrome
gets it from brothel acupuncture’s gilded pogos.
Who patented the painkiller output? She was not
really fooled by the crap in the mail, by
yuletide berserkers and 5-minute jerkers,  
sitting on a cocoa throne with points of view
like a flurrying leak. On the bright side of the caribou,
there was a real woman, although lesbian jazz –
clenching the horns between its jaws – still
cheers me up. I’m a tidal load of strangers loaded
with strangers – orgasm flakes the zeppelin would
easily trade for the laser cab mistletoe.


The lifesaver is nowhere near
as baroque –it takes over
empty journeyings, rubber
purse sent out on a motor
to the drowning –
and will be back inside you
to strike someone else’s genes
through with (your)
backwash. Snow will be launched with
the slings. 

Give loitering in patterns a shot,
inside out hot tubs un-
masked and prepared a place
in the dungeon of the limited edition

butterfly, the fretwork
with the joke taken off.


There’s more, some not as exposed as others – kitsch lightening gummed to the poster cortex. What do you see after stepping on an egg? How do you know you’ve tripped on the sadistic capsule? Is what rolls out and over porcupines in bleach? A slippery spectrum – white-tipped, a dark kept with tent pegs from lifting – is rekindled. A model for: ‘I wish I had bypassed’ – a thought gone horribly wrong. Unexpected benefits so awesome, they’d laugh in your face when you turn to them and say, dismissively (you plan to take a mushroom and set up a polkadot under its poisonous awning), you’d been around the sides of so many elbows.

Sunday, December 5, 2010


I would love to lose my heart, but above all I would love to lose it to the faces of lice I’m expecting to ooze out of here, the gush of them which to my sweet-toothed heart would be like embracing cotton candy. A reassuring picture from the vaults. When you buy medicinal raffle tickets, your mind stands a chance to win those arrested sirens in the scary loft. The heady healing of storage. The vaudeville bounty hunter crouching under the damaging steam, arms fanning out postcards – he’s losing it by mistaking them for antique versions of latkes. We’ll be licking espresso foam from the corners of our mouths before this stairwell has ended.

Saturday, December 4, 2010


The frothing violin is causally practically conjoined with the Nam flashbacks he gets whenever his instructor raises her voice in a little panicked chirrup when he has swung his arm wrongly or squeezed a string not lovingly enough. Or hatefully enough. In swimming class he often begins to panic as it seems to him he’s in the middle of a shipwreck. He feels himself floundering, and clutching at a fat thigh he thinks blubbering in his hand is instead wood pulped against the rocks, and he hears a loud cracking sound as of a big tree falling. His violin instructor can’t figure out what the heck is wrong with the violin, although she’s quick with the hosepipe and sprays him and violin simultaneously while letting out a distressed and haunting cry. That also sometimes reminds him of Nam. Pity she’s such an attractive woman in a housedress and has such attractive, clean arms – this bit doesn’t jibe well with the flashbacks. But never mind.

He loves over-filled garbage. It makes him feel muscular. He sympathizes on a deep literal level with inanimate objects and to him these things peeling out of the bins are evocative of liberated strength, and his sympathies are spooning this up in great greedy swipes. In the great filthy deluge muscly garbage his old arthritis pains, the most potent signifiers of infirmity, are greatly reduced. 

He does for a fact know that he is in fact still Burt Reynolds, and on a warm evening beside a river bubbling with Napalm had once ejected from a Daiquiri, drunk and happy, singing an eulogy to a dark-skinned pimp who’d saved him a mild amount of humiliation somehow. He felt like an invisible olive. With a  mullet. Still clutching at the advice of the pimp, even two-hundred feet up.

‘Will you, with your mutant discipline, smuggle me into your wonderful land? You can have this young girl’s beaver. You people do like beavers, don’t you?’

‘We have them in Canada. We’re fond of them, yeah.’

‘Oh please! You again slept through the bonfire ceremony. I told Clive not to roll you and your sandals and the bamboo mat you were sleeping on and the hissing embers near your toes into one and smoke you like a cheroot, and believe me it took a lot of pleading, more than I’m doing now, which I can see isn’t effective, so perhaps there is something in my shorts or in my hair or underneath the fold-up director’s chair my soul is sitting on that’s crimping this ability, because usually I have it in spades.’ [Looks down with pinched mouth at dirt + holding chin thoughtfully.]

You slept through the whole thing, Burt. The war. Your grandchildren’s births. You even slept through the time you roamed the streets in search of garbage spilling from dark hidden dumpsters. The bigger and more ogreish the dumpsters the better. You slept through your arthritis pain. The song you sung to your pimp all the way up there in the air was incredibly inspired, is all I can say.


The wild pack of dogs running across the yard: was the feel of it as al dente as it looked? I was on quite a good windowsill there. It felt really paradisiacal, like the orphanage I grew up in. I understood my feelings, was comfortable in my carbon fiber wrap. Bunny intricacies lip synced my clever explanations of what I thought them to be up to, as though they didn’t understand themselves. I had to take what others didn’t want. The stuff I regurgitated while holding the large black controls to the remote control plane that was busy crashing and which I knew was busy crashing. I handed over the controls and continued eating my present. The happy sock turned and followed the plane’s emergency landing. I was glad no one wanted my regurgitations and that I didn’t have to sit with a broken plane I loved very much. I don’t want to love people too much. That’s why I continued chewing and it tasted the way I always imagined the butts of cigarettes tasted like. Those were good times. They felt like my mother’s pasta. My mother was the orphanage. My father was the pack of dogs. All of them had just the right consistency.


Based on a mixtape loaded with incriminating teenage angst-inflected, self-important schlock music, Interpol sought a warrant to forcibly remove Nessie from the Hudson River where it had been sticking its slick wet otter head out for centuries producing blurry pictures on living room mantle pieces and desktops of office cubicles. The main challenge still lay in proving that the tape belonged to the monster. A positive finding would outright nail the creature but Interpol had an appetite for a good red herring still, and thrived on their exquisite knack for wasting everybody’s time. Interpol loved this. And hoped fervently that the Loch Ness Monster was some sort of con job or, on the other side of the spectrum, a poorly understood scapegoat-like loner that simply was a magnet for trouble. They’d pursue the case until it finally rendered full proof that the mixtape with the teeny tunes on it didn’t belong to the monster and get that sweet sick thrill of running the full length of a dead lead and coming up against the sickly orgasmic climax of such a concussive disappointment. Interpol thrived on this sort of thrill still. After all these many years. Never tired of it. Sticklers for failure.

But the townsfolk still wanted the monster out of the Hudson because its body mass displaced a great volume of water, and with it gone, they were sure much of their belongings which they’d somehow lost in the river, now stuck in the mud below, would in Christmassy fashion materialize. Old shoes. Bath toys. Computer parts. Memorabilia. Kitchen utensils and garage tools. Garden furniture. All would half-poke out of the mud in the water’s displacement by the monster’s removal from the river. The tape did belong to the monster. It liked that kind of music. 

Tuesday, November 30, 2010


Skipping college for dispensing
Hasidic wisdom in a post office
is not altogether bad career counsel.
Right now there’s a spooky correlation
between studying and going bald from
bad sex. Being a matador curbside
excused being drunk all my life – and
the back brace remanding me to
the lighter strains of some racetrack musical
written by a former cover girl for
beautiful paraplegics is like a million
dollar food stamp, career-wise. Not – haha –
not FRUIT amp: where the tangled shine
is loosened in dust, where you’re standing
alone without your dyslectic Vitamin C.

Nah, I’m not a sissy. I’m the whipped cream
asbestos, bullying veggies off
the periodic table and programming
sperm to stampede all over your
snow-covered teacup. We’re the
Fiji post office party scene! We’re the
adventures of a half finished beer
made dumb in the manufacture!

Monday, November 29, 2010


The source of unity is a mixture of heterogeneous elements. This happened: Rene Zellwegger’s new, zoocentric priorities. She was a Somali teenager who’d run away with a pimp’s cane, then disappeared into the passionate caress of the Hadron Collider. The chunk of a molecule died by being awkwardly poked. Right Said Fred lyrics on a packet of Ambien: ‘Let’s not beat about the bush – I quite fancy the 24m x 24m silk screen print of my buttocks on your living room wall.’ A mother cracking ice off the babybottle. Her niche is very limited. Her breasts are covered in knuckleduster sparkles. A pendulous ponderous pendulum swings its sinister shadow across her nose. Scary eyes in the haute couture of the 1960s. A chunk dies somewhere out there. Somewhere out there, there’s a chunk of something unidentifiable that dies. Either a chunk of bagel or a chunk of Chuck Norris. Italy looks like a spatula from space. Scott Pilgrim is the weapon in an electric Nissan Leaf. His car purports to possess a veritable trove of information about the microbial life forms in your ballsack, obtained via sensors in the snake fangs poking from the seats. The sparseness of blue in the billowing destruction and corruption and humoristic Disney-themed clouds of ginger explosives. Chuck Norris, the 84-year-old man in a giant skirt polluting the airwaves in risqué picture books. Missing a chunk. A gangrenous blur of something missing on his bicep. The blot I left behind when I shot my wife. The mystery worm crawling through space. The morale of the unhealthy imagination increased when German pop star Conny Cornelia Froboess was born in an old mill. My tooth was abused in prison.

Friday, November 26, 2010


Landmine magic. Protesting by faking a limp. Satiated dead hooker hogs the fishing spot. Being an entrepreneur will totally change his smell. Inimitable Doritos, the galaxy’s tiny furniture. Substance abuse is a home in oil cans. Jumping suddenly out of my own digestive system. The space inside the stencil of me. Driven into an E.coli frenzy. Meltdown’s monster pill. It was like a ride. Keeping conflict within the cherry flavor of the galaxy. The old man’s incredible secret illicit deeply hidden oeuvre of sea turtles. A prank gone deadly fantastically awry. I limit my intrigue to shopping guides. I love rusty garden tools. 

Thursday, November 25, 2010


Rapunzel’s locks at the end sport a brawny, veiny claw with many thin fingers holding my hand like a crosshatched drawing. Something in the ardor of her grip is interfering. It may be liquid nitrogen. If my love for her now explodes into an unflattering color chart it would just weird me out. She’d be OK with it. She grew up with elves who mistook her grandfather’s old wood-and-copper accounting apparatus as a sex machine, she can take anything. She’d road-tripped with rabies, actual rabies – those molecules on Dancing with the Stars – and got mobbed at every picnic site by chipmunks who cried in chipmunk voices for her blood, for her blood, for her ‘blood pu-dinnnnnng.’ There isn’t anything she hasn’t already looked at with burning lust in her eyes. Including chipmunks.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


I am not exaggerating nor being overly sentimental when I say that astronaut excrement is my beloved brand, and I’m not being mawkish or grossly one-sided, I’m not displaying perverse favoritism, when I say Hermes couriers delivers it with the same dedication and affection and timing that have come to define them as my favorite couriers. I feel better. I feel so good. I feel now exactly the way Kate Moss must feel when her arthritis pain is lower in TRON couture, and when she’s buzzing through the city in her Toyota Prius minivan. A sense of lightness. This shit is exempt from gravity, after all.

The noise would stun, the noise of the shattered glove. The hand that is sound in the grip of suicide, that self-destructs in its digited cloak. Why does self-immolation and self-harm in general, when aimed at simultaneously harming others, cause utter devastating destruction? Utter noise? Why’s it so damn noisy? As if we give a damn about the original victim, the central brick in the irradiating wall, as if our empathy for the naked megaphoned suicide streaker adds to the pain his fleshtoned embarrassment passing through us causes? I don’t care about you, hand. And yet when you shatter this object, and your glove breaks in a million shards, I am deafened. Despite not really giving a damn about you. Noise that nearly trumps the episode on television in which Stephen Colbert used ten Asian girls and an object that didn’t make a sound, nor was designed to make a sound, but looked as though it could be very noisy, to promote his new energy drink?

Monday, November 22, 2010


On the top landing, observing the dirty rocket trying to climb the spiral staircase. The cat’s claw’s tristesse, from being away from the balloon milk. Frida Kahlo’s hysteria over the hairy blood vessel on her brow, sweat like leaves covered in urine. Cabbage Patch kids constipate the Menorah. The more of a grotesque consumer the Pope becomes, the more his wing catches fire. None of us are what we really want to be, except the condom. Which isn’t either what it wants to be but thinks it is. Namely bald. To precipitate the mermaid’s flight. A seagull wears its heart on its sleeve, then when not drinking from it puts it down on a sugar coaster. This way Bambi’s earplugs melt, just as condensation gives a loud report. The deafening music my guardian angel listens to while cleaning out my car. A slow-dance with lithium, also found in 7-Up and also quite a sexy mechanical model. So where has my sweater been hiding? Stolen from the school mascot in a Santa Clause pat-down. My Nissan’s shame. Flying when not playing with traffic.   

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


This climate change was triggered by a group of old biddies’ three-day birthday vigil. Do they also want to help out, and get the stretch-pants panorama back on its feet? ‘You can be a bundled up human mind,’ one says, ‘to perceive the pleats in the smutty backyard’s heartbeats.’ They exchange pleasantries for some time, time itself overtakes them, seasons, geodesic shifts, until the urine of polar bears freezes on their upper lips.

Green teleportation takes Evel Knievel from the rear, but it only rapes the cracks in his heartbreak. It has a thing for concrete, not the failure of distances and the whine of motorcycle chains. Actually it meant to catch something that fell when he jumped over the Grand Canyon on his super-bike. Did it sound like a water well hiccupping? Whatever it was, it was lost forever.

Mickey Mouse has fangs. She was on the phone with the tamer and he told her to hold him still on the ground until he stopped squirming and screeching like a wild animal. He was on his way. He got lost in space. It took him over six hours to find his way back. Space is a network of penny arcade tapestry. He arrived flustered and out of breath. His face drained with shock at the sight of Mickey Mouse. It felt as though his mind had been pruning under the shower too long. His red neck had been crammed in a bottle and expanded until a pornographic light went on somewhere. Somewhere cold. Somewhere where there weren’t any humans, only stupidly-named magic believed in by the dirty night and the rubber bands that stretched and snapped dustily and with the smell of burning sweat to the sound of magic’s own stupid name. Mickey Mouse’s face had seemingly passed through the same Ice Age.

Friday, November 12, 2010


His home theatre is secretly rigged with equipment that monitor unique eye movements, flitting eye movements, straying eye movements, static, strained, pinioned, dazzled, sparkly, glassy eye movements, because he is always so concerned people he invites to come and watch movies don’t enjoy themselves or aren’t engrossed or aren’t having a good time. Always so concerned they’d rather be somewhere else. Always so concerned they’re wasting their time. Always so concerned it's more fun to let their eyes wander about the place instead of fix firmly on the home theatre screen because apparently it's more fun to let your eye stray toward a dusty fake pot plant than keep them fixed until stars and stripes and pale electric spirals form on the home theatre screen. Don’t let him show you his art works because basically the same principle applies there. He’s fashioned a strange little showpiece of a sleeping bag that has whooping coughs and progresses along and around a short square area in stop motion. It’s a rather disturbing and saddening sight seeing the sleeping bag crawl along the floor not unsimilar to a caterpillar or some other crawly creature but in stop motion, each jerky bend or crinkle of its body accompanied by a whooping, heartrending and saddening cough. I’m given to pitying such creatures, and usually it shows, I cannot help myself, thus it is especially awkward for me to be asked by him to watch his artwork in action as I cannot forbear from putting my hand to my mouth and staring on in horror. And it is the last reaction he wants from appraisers of his art. He wants them to enjoy it. He has unique eye movement sensors in this little room where the coughing sleeping bag is held captive like a starving animal or kidnap victim, too. He can see, brooding some time late at night in front of the monitors when playing back my visit, if my attention had been arrested pleasantly or not. He can see where my eyes had been straying toward. Which usually is all over the place, as I cannot help it.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010


Teen romance is inside a clam. S&M sex is bolted in sea water. A Russian criminal loves the cafeteria bedwetter. Says: ‘How do you do that? I have a tattoo of that and your explanation will make it meaningful. Please demonstrate how you wet your bed in cafeterias. Please give my tattoo ontological weight.’ Dick warts as a skin problem trumps the hormonal rush at Hogwarts. Walkman’s pig liver has become outdated, stubbly. We welcome the national consciousness’s invasion by hamsters on National Sex Toy Day. No other creature lives symbiotically so tightly with us. No other furry water gun lends itself to such easy wielding. ‘Sir, will I meet the terrifying shrimp in the afterlife? Is it true what the prophets say – that its badass rep will be drastically reconsidered?’ Lidless eye. How Adrien Brody proclaimed it and glamorized it and promoted it as the Hollow Implant, to contrast the profitless fertility of his niece’s ballet shoes. His niece whom he’d fucked. Twice. With his hook eye. The pianist was quoted correctly. He did say the President is an idiot. And a heckler. And an arbitrary tinkerer of the menstrual flowchart. A Twinkie cracked in half. A giraffe’s head poked out, through the white scum. Whereupon it was immediately struck by lightning. Toothpicks skewer and support the slow, sultry, understanding nod. Blazing eyes in a foam case. Car accident-proof Burka. Patrick Bateman sported it once, then his antenna bustled with strange obscene signals that transmitted down his torso and caused a bad case of itchy genitals he then used a guitar pick to alleviate, only to subsequently strut around the apartment in a cloud of Dior perfume his sunbed had earlier turned into a nauseous mist generated mostly by home movies in which a pet gets seriously hurt. For shits and giggles. Wolverine does not cope in high society. Knuckle blades sprung like an old mattress’s rusty squeaky springs, he sits on a government issue Porta-Potty shaped like a Porsche and equipped with a joystick that guides his bowel movements through high-rises when he and the Porta-Potty decide, lacklusterly, wistfully, nostalgically to go flying. A celebrity lost in a children’s pop-up book. Forced to learn and, burp-inducingly, read bullfrog typography. Forced to wrestle a miscarried cardboard pop-up fetus. Is eluded by the fetus popping back into its womb when the page is closed, leaving a pink jet contrail in its wake. The celebrity is aware of the Hollywood glitch. Knows it is there for structural purposes. Virgin Galactic sadism broadcast shamelessly in bold pink cartoon letters on a hemp flyer. The man who shat himself. The poor bastard who was the first to ever take the Virgin Galactic cruise is now known as ‘The man who shat himself.’ This calls for a revolt, thought Bigfoot. Without thinking anything subsequently. Resuming tending his garden in peace wearing a vacuous grin, his hands clad in daisy-pattered gardening gloves. Wild West joblessness remanded countless bikini wrestlers to the New Orleans French quarter. Half-naked but on the whole friendly and good-intentioned wrestling under the romantic webcam of a cracking dawn. Developing a taste for fainting at movies. Under the watchful eye of male reproductive disorders. That most Rolls Royce of bruises. What a heckler they think I am. When in fact I am spongebased. Watch. I’m gonna faint and fall and it won’t hurt. I swear one day with this talent I’ll give talk shows back their dignity. The opening act. My railway system of black teeth. Surrounded by a yellow lawn.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


I moved my new car, angrily, after the 3D printer vomited it out. I didn’t want to be parked next to one of the printer’s other aberrant creations: a selfish pig in an igloo. ‘The way to hell is canned – is a pizza chain oriented along the vector of the glittering dolphin’s thigh,’ the pig told me as I peered in and wondered if it thought either of us was parked in the wrong place. ‘The one who melts first under the skull street lamps is parked in the wrong place.’ I kept the following rude assumption to myself: that it, not I, was parked in the wrong place.

Fragments of Ben Nye rape makeup hit the fan and was karateed by the blades into the form of yet another new breed of worthless sentience: a switchboard operator sunbathing in a straightjacket. Lights blip crazily around him – a dragonfly lightsaber fight jumping on the bed to a banned dancefloor anthem. The weather update deliberately intimidates us with promises of an utopia made of crude materials gorging on fractals. I like the switchboard operator’s worthless handling of the console. To wit: an atom-based stunt based on the ancient technique of the ‘squirm.’

One of the partners in couples therapy was a mechanical fish. The therapist, clad in micro-mesh, assessed the situation from a bunker underneath the maximum security prison where his patients were housed with a periscope jammed nonlethally through the McRib in the hands of the non-mechanical fish partner. The distraught relationship he was trying to remedy was cargo lined in fish oil due to be sent to a Mexican border town the next day, where it would be detonated in a display of highly eclectic, hugely disorientating fireworks to celebrate the opening of a new bridge and the erection of a Morgan Freeman statue, his surgical mask bulging on the hour as the iconic actor burps grenades, to mark the passage of time.

Monday, November 1, 2010


The apartment’s AC has to be trained to do the ‘obnoxious sniff,’ to make it a better environment for giant insects. I want to be taught the empty gesture’s sideways movement, to perform it without hesitation. With amped kneecap in robotic hoodie, it used to be such a great co-pilot, but we parted ways. I want to blend reality with elephant lips; through its grill my AC said that’s more harmful than crashing truffles. With acoustic guitar and rose in teeth, it decided to direct the fitness montage of Doctor Octopus in ski boots. I’m lonely now, of course. But today in the personals I saw that the human liver is learning from the whitewash, and needs help taking smarter, more economic cues from jingles stuck in its head. Fright bleaches – that’s what I learned. And that the rescue will pass you by if you’re stuck in airplane porn. And Mars will become one of the caterpillar’s eggs. And sanity’s landing strip will slather fake balm over her wheels – the instant she grows into a piñata whose gramophone heart will be a byproduct of shattered absence. A raider of fake tunes’ heart. My favorite faker. 

NR. 114

1. Villain:

The toad picked the thin crowd where it could comfortably
hop. It hates shambling. Either this penchant has to do
with arrogance or the toad was warned by somebody –
by that guy with the bacon sign on his chest. ‘Don’t
buy T-shirts with bacon on the front.’ Or perhaps it
was just warned not to buy T-shirts. ‘If you hate shambling …
well that’s exactly what you’ll do through the strange
aftertaste of the haunted fountain sprouting in your mouth.’
The villain has no costume; a spell-caster who likes
to laxly dominate fans with his mutton chops and
CGI blurs or loins coincidentally censored by the odd
passing leaf or brick, almost unthinkingly kicking into
place with his hairy, swampy feet the quickly building fear’s
Tetrominos. He has a soft spot – or we have a
soft spot – or it’s soft-spot inducing – when all this
is done in favor of the laborious exercise of making
jawbone puree. 

2. Hero:

He’s the neighborhood scapegoat way too frequently:
Southern hospitality put the other nail
in the coffin of Liam Neeson’s nap. Our idea of
good and bad was trying to rape something and all
it managed to rape was grayscale. He became known
on the lowlands and bayous as the caped crusader
despite being a self-proclaimed antebellum-phobe.
The exotic plant who booked a room on that bloodbath
family tree. He stole the effect of the widow or widower’s
egg salad sandwich by missing out on all the action;
by finding no use for the world’s disaster. 
His nap is actually death in the disguise of the
Caped Crusader’s massage therapist painting dunes
all over his haunted hotel room’s walls. Nr. 114.
No room for Liam Neeson himself; no room
even for the sand.

Friday, October 29, 2010


Ready for my punch in the face now, so
rally round the out of season disgusting work of
this snub nose. The Pokémon tumor will have to put
up with me for a while – if only I can find the key
to the pub where the drunk physician once did
the xenomorphic facehugger circumcision. It was
on the bar counter and the rate was abominably low,
as the fascination was winding down
below peaks of orbital hangover, patrons
in the hot Tron glue of intoxication dragging
themselves glutinously through their individual
mouse mazes, a few disquieted taste buds still cracking
knuckles round the partly empty peanut bowls.

Just a meter away was the pervert chemical unknown.
The flamingo mercurial spit of cayenne arcing over
the facehugger, the sasquatch resuscitator freezing over
Steven Hawking’s penis. Flame-thrower subtle.
The Goonies unbefriended me on altruism’s reflective surfaces;
I realize not a physician in the land – neither one found
nude on treehouse shoulders nor one adept at Pythagorean
judo – can stop the spillage of this unhinged vending machine,
can smuggle this suspicious package through trenches
imperiled by the curse of the pogo stick. An old-school shark’s
traveling exhibition veils its secret life
as a starving 8-bit Tamagochi waif nodding on
a dream pushing a strange scent.

Spreading it like pasta over cement the technician
recalls an anecdote about a tumor who stole
his scissors and scissored across the bar counter
and straight on out through the door
like a man on long legs in a bowler hat. Spreading,
spreading, he says he won’t make that mistake
ever again.

Thursday, October 28, 2010


a bundle of leading ladies
forces of nature in cocaine dresses
the devil’s playground hired for
dog walking championship
who was it that claimed reality show pandemic
came suspiciously on heels
of alien pea invasion?

librarian ghost story
a relentless summer station
lack of sleep landscape
filled with Pop-Eye honking
dreaming on his bent cane Charlie Chaplin
the rat race protagonist
Timmi La Forge country club
where no cameras may upload
to the supercomputer cheeseburger

robo singer held up at police station
its algae thumbprint restores logbook’s sanity
accident commentator inadvertently promotes damage
streetwear bear prostitution lend
accessories to Back to the Future motel fetish
there’s something about ultrasound wet twist
sound of fudge whale nurse’s ankle injury

Wednesday, October 27, 2010


in video form physical flaws wear
jackets causing a commotion
waving things around:

fantasy tonic resting tenderly
in a porcelain lap

you can fly from the fifteenth story
balcony with a hotel painting
for wings if you have no shame

retractable blade inflatable,
instructionless bleeding
fingers: lizard favors wrapped in HIV plastic

today the toilet paper dungeon will be lined
for parkour tricks with
the right to decline magically infringed

assembly of
grumbling mind control:
the ritual

luxury goods’
brain-machine interface

the motor cortex lord’s ducks
are talking yet again about

getting out of the insular t-shirt

it’s definitely fortunate that

men’s cologne stops
generations of worry
in homeless people’s
forbidding underwear 

quick and painless,
containing a sheet of lies
the scanner also
caught a section of the radio
station’s toe

a standard office scanner
in the bathroom
sending images of lies
straight to the toilet

do only giants – physically
disproportionally tall men and
women – commit

shadow of unusually
square jaw
on world of

blissfully productive
puny but 
familiar images

threatened bomb defuser
has a price:
very cheap, covered in
bandages, blows in

his face always (i.e. the bomb does),
each part blown away
is replaced by a robotic
gripper making him

gradually more expensive
(he will soon be just as
unaffordable as the real robot
machines employed to
defuse bombs, you watch) 

radio station
states that after the commercials
it will
initiate a state-wide seizure
of audience nervous systems

victim of spaghetti
entanglement – how cleverly

do you work your
pliers &

i will instruct you in
return for a blowjob with a monkey

invoice to cheap bomb defuser:
thanks for uniquely and reliably responding to
that force that stole
a million mandibles 

electrodes hammered through ears
surveillance system
mind reading breathtaking

water closet
duck itinerary

Sunday, October 24, 2010


hey pill popper:
why worry about borders or the jokes you’re not in on – the transparent nanospheres uniting to form a sense of isolation so stiff as to actually be holier than kevlar?

with the anti-horror disco activist talking shit about velcro shoes on display in dark decadent department store cages
with impact body armor forming around and validating the spooky dancing silhouettes of your agreements dancing and flickering across the yellow pigskin department store carpet

each time spring cleaning your caravan affects the climate you and the CREW stand before the ratty christmas calendar in 3D glasses holding chins, freaked out of your minds but the grave robber to your right and the tourette’s-juggling ethiopian bench press spotter to your left see the rectangular pits in cheap paper they see it in a typical EVERYDAY SENSE:

it’s a vacancy left by the miniskirt running for the train, the infectious spreading nullity of the boring test driver’s soliloquy in the drag car racing across the saltpans talking indentations of sultry death into the consciousness of the pneumatic vinyl monster hanging from the rearview mirror

infections can turn the black rectangular workplaces of both the wiry bench press spotter and the harrumphing grave robber into killer parking lots that smell like pirate ships and the enigmatic healing properties of torture ignored by the captain’s parrot, the two thin skidmarks of a wheelchair across the white marking presenting a scene of such pathos as to sink a thousand shopping trolleys  

rock paper scissors shaking themselves dry with incredible dance moves
the pure heart’s black eye and bloody nose first wallow self-pityingly in several different washing basins – ‘No, this one isn’t good; no give me that one, let’s try that one etc.’ – then suddenly the hand of fate thrusts down through the ceiling and toilets the lot

the world’s largest, most beautiful magnet is stuck to my fridge door and one night as i came down to smother my midnight munchies with all the crap in my fridge it said to me: it’s so good to see my No1 Undesirable again
then i was suddenly squashed against the fridge
i was squashed into my constituents particles by the amazing blinding allure of the fridge magnet

and i do appreciated life as a fireside inhalation
even though my friends are such nasty bloodsuckers they couldn’t help a fellow with poor eyesight at the racetrack by at least warming the butter under the incessant midnight trampling of hooves on his skull

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


Most of these appendages have been surgically applied,
extracted from the pale iritic liquid in unlabelled bottles:
everyone is insecure about the fact that
armless jaws pose no danger.

The meanest of the monkeys wear socks over shoes.
This is the height of hubris what 
with demented dairy farmers marauding the land
aching to bust the shrink off those dead animals.

Save a nickel on the faintly glowing space rock – expensive
squeezeballs are for Aleister Crowley types
languishing with their pet weasels in front the TV
stress-balling to the infamous Baywatch remake.

A real collector of corpse sandals trains his loot to
adhere to the cliff-side diving board – the tour bus
skewered into the side of the cliff, bobbingly overlooking
the grimly dystopian landscape. The sandals left
behind will sadden the next potential suicide diver
to death.

A farewell note curled in the head of a hammer
stolen, come by via dishonest means, dislodges the giant
blot clot in meat pastie’s Femoral artery, dashing cathedrals
into pudding factories…

The voodoo that removes nits and boogers from
the zebra print cycling jersey. Laugh all you want:
I’d rather be non-biodegradable stone age carvings
on a pair of thin wheels zooming past – and narrowly
missing – a bunch of stunned explorers

than the life signals of one acting dead, or the weather
balloon thinking itself dealing someone a mean curveball.
Dead thumb piano believing hate. Gas guzzler suicide
music on the spooky dairy farm. Senses basking in enough
magical thinking until the two ends of some
random, small-town marathon lethally tie together. 

Sunday, October 17, 2010


there would be these purrs
as if of food trucks carrying
the wheel of death
betty white is still strapped to
it screaming as though at a
hilarious joke blemish-free
yet picket-fenced with silver
blades a cloth draped over
her in the back of the truck
this purr as if of the liquored
heart of a cloud object a black
devil’s crunching hip socket
the fuzzy procrastination at
the core of the underdog’s pillow

for the moment we all saw
steven tyler’s bottom lip covered
in thumb tacks an expression as
if raped in jail stepping down
from the solar expressway and
other life-threatening dangers
lashed together

the cigar of the talent agency’s
round bottom puffing snapshots
of trauma a kardashian home-coming
dance plaguing his knees viscera
with the suffocation as if of
a fridge

but this knife-thrower is a mega-
celebrity in his own right: you
hear only the lonely spirally
laments of whale song when
he hangs up the phone to your
birthday party requests you’ve
gone from a respectable father
who wants to seem cool by
inviting him to a dotard burping
natural gas with a lighter in
front of his mouth for
the rest of the afternoon –

and then your stupid rain dance
calling down a grim white sheet
from heaven with an oily fringe
and dappled here and there as if with
a few drops of blood

Saturday, October 16, 2010


each pebble prowled, the tesla tiger enclosure
illuminated their fur, their cancer either abated
on magnetic video tapes

or spread out dappling the dollhouse sky

heat stroke should be somewhat closer to the fake sunflower
standing wide-legged on the desert dune seeing so far

but nothing

praying captive, reassurance via letter to the washing machine:
that stoic, somnolent, churning captive of a pack of
wolves, cool spewing from tooth imprints,

clean shorts

i am happy with this birth, a vulgar bike seat
and so many scarless tracks on love
stolen to decompose

all stereotypical brain surgery laser training disease regenerative –
why charged with murder when you’re so ready to
eat red?

graft of weird baggage weight, niggling crucifix erase
silver disappearance, the sky unzipped

i think that is why the most likeable member of the jetsons porn crew is the boring policeman, as all retro futurism is about
tolerating your neighbor

its yellow heart loved where it hung

conserving juice disappearing
toilet paper, seating rinderpest

digitally cut through bone,
the improbability drive planted the charismatic rapper in a
piano’s body

give him a fair chance, the opportunity to inspire
sweating fruity pebbles in the coolest centrifuge in the world

cuddled in fetishes, bomb hoaxes resting on the cleverest gyroscopes

Wednesday, October 6, 2010


sanity: balling it up
putting it in: a microwave oven
it’s motion and texture:
during my
lunch break: perhaps i shall inspect the shipwreck
my last glimpse of it:
not good
what it looked like:
a shipwreck
what it tried leaping over
before splatting: sin

what will be excavated next sunday:
a tomato
bends that way
when pressed
slightly on the left temple
by a forensic hypnotist
with a shrill goatee
drooly eyes &
panty raid

hymn to:
scaring the crap out of
cuts off her:
crisis: got in the way of masturbation 
symptom: got in the way of masturbation
prognosis: [sic] earthquake-proof?

there’s life on: nowhere 
most dangerous:
total control of
tic-burning festival &
marmite matinee

culling bugles:
futile quest
missing out
on: years of wisdom
fastest: fucking car, man

gonna be dumb
duct tape
portion of
your god

Tuesday, October 5, 2010


I coughed that last time, remember?
And went non-stick in the gym – I
hated the place first time I laid eyes
on it; built a self-teaching machine
from all the barbells –

went manual in the medicine ball corset
because I couldn’t trust it handing my
head and shoulders back after submerging
in the wet newspaper of shed cells.

Because a cough is a sea mine
with corks skewered by the spines.
Roll it across a wad of bubblegum –
it rolls unimpeded, like a ghost’s breath
steamrolled through bread crumbs.

Fever’s automation was disabled.
Suddenly it became a plume; like, suddenly
there was a plume walking my glands
like roadkill on a fucking leash.
Blocked on electronic spinal cord;
grappling with piercings in the blood.


In river towns, they balance sludge.
Then there’s this other innovation: scissors
subdividing floods, a kind of folksy miner’s trick
imitated by seamstresses working on gold tables
and snipping cloth all the way till they strike
gold, and all the kids swap necklaces, and the odd
number hears it: the relevant boo.

Always some poor little sucker loses out...

All the snickers drowned after dark.
I understood that chimeras are designed
to keep beasts retinal, to keep them 
plausibly undulating below the water’s skin,
though some biologist will always try
to wake the data again.


wrapping bad apples in surgical drapes
they won’t stop knocking the retro reflector

in which my head and gait and comportment
and all my riches furiously scuttle about

to catch that chirpy voiced aesthetic
to jump into the stationary woman

dissolving bone marrow standing near the
friskiest prognosis, synchronizing debris

to rest their toothpaste

get hit by your street smarts – your wall-sniffing canister

‘thanks doctor-society-loves-you-its-in-their-graffiti-ribs

the importance of using blanket craft:
ambivalence is my ninja star
fuzz in teeth my collision

you should see when mudscreen blocks time!

curious about your shooting eating recycling nancy

curry runs straight through the light-concentration
i was going to go as a plastic band
now i’m going as diarrhea

working this time!
working this time!
the little bug on the geared rotor!

dropped friends off
where the yoga position crashed
and felt calm and black and white driving home

when that – i.e. zero decision-making acumen –
and the thrrp thrrp
of flames on the celebration of corduroy pants
usually add to the bunion’s woes

Monday, October 4, 2010


Beauty travel involves troubled pathways.
I caught its innovator, who said to me:
‘Meet my desperation.’ 

On the overpass of overweight,
in the wind of the fan of reckless appendages,
under the shower of lolling pores,
just lounging around in organized clotting.

I enjoyed playing the cut off leg, and getting
pwned by my dream job – holding out for misery,
I guess, my prank on the genius who came up with
the model of that perfect laudable delectable
bedside table which IN FACT may surpass Gatsby –
master of old sneakers, deliverer of fans
to their handsomer richer flirtier selves,

architect of their declining interest in
him, screwer of the banana smoothie.

Saturday, October 2, 2010


The ark is not a credible vessel, but it
was spotted, a paradoxical stratospheric
dungeon boat. Though it rocked microbes better
than livestock, it was also the last carousel,
sandwiched between the role of fun fabricant
and particle streamer.

Who knows how employee training was meant
to go down, or how the thing lost its sight so that
road markings could exist unimpeded?

It was onboard this vessel that Kellogg’s
made bears safer, where indiscretions
played in a fountain leaking from the
dry-cleaning – what some people say about it

rivals gull gore others see from their hotel
beds, saw it returning to an oral Paris
and disgorging experimental sounds in death.
They climbed aboard the mere thought of

the apartment complex’s beetroot rugs.
He owes a stuntman an explanation, and meat –
he could give it in a tisket, in a building-sized basket –
but what happened to the great towering waves
definitely contained irony, and cheapened the bathtub
in which he got cynically drunk.

And news about his layoff for asserting morgue brain
for entertainment and for making frivolous
komodo dragons and monkey skateboards
survived hyperbole and entered a fugue
state with the ocean level. 

An experience of a lifetime passes by – gets
off with obsolescence-happy meat and straw
and smelly pesticides and looking forward, drawn,
non-existent oars working harder than guerilla gardening.

Friday, October 1, 2010


parody of
blank canvass

plotting of

drum up

birthday acorns
death device?

model pose

typically far less
ghostly trash bags

asshole disconnect

aurora borealis


asleep while

goes up and down
like large atom

geek jersey
except for 1st law
and ziggurat wool

which they’ll obey, they’ll
remind being:
mutinying kombucha

organic plotting
to plug rainy cabin-

train station
drew near with a bang

dating icebergs
in destroyer jacket OR
fishnet around dogs

espresso border IS
a harp’s g-string serenading
low cloud rest

energy commercial
snot about emotions

designing less
freshmen girls


for the parents they
had tontos

kiosk aftercare
with jelly babies
in the other hand

medical experiment

hypocrisy is
commitment to phototonics

the payback:
TRON carpetburn


the dank, funny music that resonates down your spine
when you walk drunkenly, at night, through a clothesline,
the ketchup behind your eyes when thumbed
by a glenn danzig hitchhiker,

despite the backyard’s inner strength, a square,
pulls-no-punches view attempts passage through
the exoskeletons of patio furniture and bird feeders,

paintball castration, your squishy vision synthesizing
a highway of quantum backflips, numbed axe cells
chopping the air, forming a fake pixel pavement

the snoring the next morning on
your back in the grass eliciting whiskered whimpers
and yips and saber drool

‘don’t be afraid’
says either the dog’s head or the sun behind
the dog’s head, or the collective inconvenience
you try to dose with wild aimless slaps  

Thursday, September 30, 2010


you couldn’t cure my criminality so
it’s every night a hotline walkout
my alligator hide cringes under a confluence
of grooming tips and then the sudden
meaningless, green-noduled bleep

i easily peel against the lizard lid of
my despair

an emptiness or a marathon of wig trampling
social light years imitate the gape:
an imitation gape
telephonic goldilocks is held hostage, it’s become
a death row where’s waldo
in here

the autumn lava lake’s great performance
ended in a copper spout, a big tap for beer jaw
play along to songs teaching cuts
to osmosis, the lazy fast-food route
to death, the fucking funny blood type

after many years i finally got round to churning
brain soda, and so now, finally, a fat kid
got named after me; a desperate cure
needed for a guinea pig like me
said fat kid saw a strange number on a cereal box
plus then also: energy critically eliminated from the
grace of the underboob

they’re electronic golden braids and they’re
really running away from me, and it’s:

almost as though the hotline is
taking them for prank calls!

scalpels run amok 
no vaccines against
evenly distributed

emptiness, deactivated in a dog-eared restroom;
homemade contraption reaching out
comes equipped with crème brulee
clowns rallying together pushing for:
railway teeth rainbow burp
and signifying nothing to these

on purpose?

Wednesday, September 29, 2010


that’s why people are missing
branching out
for spandex porcupine

after you die
look into the eyes
of the morning’s
posthumous bone starlet

heated bleak
affects your
pterodactyl hat

i love burning bushes 
and gigapixel rumblings
causing bigger problems
than new plasma suicide

positive impact
inflicting personal tetris
on people’s missing
cubbyholes and warm

in the curvy zip tie
the grouch
was hung, 
the tweeting cannon 
on a lazy susan

perched still

unfathomable nuke
knows what he’s talking about
large and small can find
going headless
a huge treat

hurtling toward
the center of the chew,


bedbug platform

packing orchids is
distinctly different from
the drive up to hell’s
kitchen’s acme

dharma from the


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